Maybe things were going to good for me…but now I hate myself more than ever..not because I did it to myself but because I promised my wife I wouldn’t do it again…. Silly…but when things are going great I want to SI…why? I don’t expect you to answer tho…a part of me knows why…childhood thing…the “I’m bad” thing…. and I’m so bad that I don’t deserve to be happy thing……

I blew it…. after three SI free years…. I’m scared..