I’ve just been reading the most unexpected e-mail…. It’s from my father. He’s visiting my sister, Angela, who lives in Italy. I’ve always been under the impression that he didn’t ant to use a computer so the e-mail alone is a surprise… He wrote that my sister made him read my web pages…. (I never thought he would do it)… and I’ve also been sending her “venting” e-mails and he read them too… I really don’t know how to deal with this…
My relationship with my father has never been much…When I was growing up he was never home…He used to take long trips abroad…and even if he was hope we didn’t communicate…almost fell like he was just as scared of me as I was of him…
Well anyway…He wrote a really long e-mail…I was surprised in a way…some things I knew about but others I didn’t…. It’s amazing how our lives are similar….and I always thought that somehow I’m inherited my problems from my mother and her side of the family if that’s possible and not from my dad’s site . But this is almost like history repeating it self…and it scares me…will my kids be like us?
Like me my father is an alcoholic…He stopped drinking before I was born tho… He suffered from anxiety and had panic attacks I have them too, He said he wasn’t abused when he was a child…but like me he was abused emotionally by my mother (his wife) and the most unexpected part…to me at least…when he was a teen he cut!…He is 59 years old…I don’t think he has ever talked to me about his parents…like they’ve never existed…
I don’t know how to react to this…Why didn’t he tell me about the anxiety at least….well I didn’t know I was SIing…but… He has always been like this…never wants to share his feelings… Like me he has lost children but he has never talked to me about that…not one word… I know he has at least one very good reason to hate me and I understand that…something that happened about 4 years ago…but I’ve always had that feeling It’s like I’ve never really existed to him…
