Trying to hang on

I know I have to be strong… I know that’s what :Maria: would have wanted and I know she wouldn’t want me to blame myself for this…and I’m trying…but it’s so hard not to… everyone I love seem to die on me or leave me… I’m scared of loosing my wife and children…so scared I can’t go to sleep with out haveing nightmares about them dieing on me.. I Sied pretty bad last night…had to go to the ER…but I’m ok now…