I got a phone call to day from the headmistress at the school I used to work as a piano teacher. Apparently some of my older students have been asking about me and wanted to know when I will come back. Well it sort off felt good to hear that they haven’t forgotten about me, even wanting me to come back. But at the same time as feeling wanted and feeling good about it I wanted to cut… I didn’t cut ’cause my little girl was home but now when it’s getting late I feel a little unsafe…
My wife isn’t home yet..had to go to her sister. I didn’t tell her how I was feeling ’cause I know if I had she wouldn’t have gone there but I know how much she wanted to go so I kept quiet. I guess I just have to keep on writing and replying bus mail until she comes back.
Well anyway….most of these kids I was teaching want to be really good…play professionally…and I believe that many of them can …. but that’s what I should be doing….damn I miss that…While on stage I forgot about everything else…it was just me and the piano….Why did my mother make me do this to myself? … or…..Why did I have to mess things up for ME….The only good thing she ever did for me or thought me was to teach me to play the piano.
It’s weird that after a concert I waited for people to come back stage and talk to my mother and hear people complimenting me to her…and she would agree with people… Hearing her say that I was good felt good..even I knew by experience that she was faking it and that she would “punish” me when we were alone.