Thanks to all of you who wrote me back on my last post…. I’m sorry if I confused anyone by not writing in English… I just hope this wont happen again…..sorry….
Ok I’m gonna start by a few positives just to try to make me feel a little better…but I’m not doing so great at the moment so I haven’t been replying to my e-mail much…maybe one or two a day at the most….but I’ve been reading as much as I can and I do care….
So here are my positives for this morning….
1. Sunna loves me
2. 10 days until I go to the hospital where I will be safe…hopefully…
3. My aunt from Italy is still coming even tho there won’t be a wedding on the 27th. ( She is my mother’s sister and my favorite / only aunt ) …And she will be here before I go to the hospital……
4. Lot’s of people care about me and that’s what making me WANT to get better
….Next…. a list of “none positives”. Kind of shows how I’ve been feeling…..
My doctor suggested that I shouldn’t be alone so I have someone “babysitting” me all the time…. He’s afraid that I will “go blank” and make another attempt to kill myself…
I haven’t cut since last Sunday ( well in a way this is a positive ) but I’ve been wanting to really bad…. Kind of hard when there is always someone with me…. When I get urges to cut I “loose contact ” with myself and that’s freaking me out… I’ve tried to explain that to my wife and to my doctor but they don’t want to understand….
I’ve been dissociating a lot lately….I miss my kids but while all this is going on they are at their grand parents house… I’m scared, depressed, tired, ……. Every day seems the same…I sit by the computer all day….but I can’t get anything done….I’m supposed to send my Geocities CL report in to night but I haven’t scanned one site this week……I’m sure they will suspend me because I’m not doing a good job…..and I’m afraid to tell them what’s wrong….