Well like it says in the subject line this is probably my last post before I go to the hospital. So maybe it’s going to be a little long because there are so many things I want to say to all of you….but then again maybe it wont…I’m gonna give my self a while to write this so it might get a little confusing when I start jumping from subject to subject.
ok I’m gonna start by trying to make out a list of positives.
- Sunna loves me ( even tho I messed up our second wedding date )
- My aunt is here and she is being a lot of help to me and Sunna
- My computer and Internet connection….it’s maybe the only way I’ll get people to like me for whom and what I am. ( pretty lame huh? )
- There are a LOT of people all over the world who care about me.
- Janice and Jacy for being willing to make it possible for me to BUS while I’m away ( I’m still not sure about the laptop thing if I can’t use it Sunna will be sending messages for me )
- My children……all 8 of them!! I’m glad I had them all….
- oh yeah this is still a positive an ever lasting one I guess….. Emma is so great on the piano!!!!
- I made 3 midi files yesterday without crashing my computer!! ( lol I know now I can’t play for ever with out stopping….it I don’t I use up all the memory in my putter )
- Bus will be here when I come back when ever that will be…
- Instead of missing you all to much I’m starting to look forward to coming back! or at least I’m trying to…. My aunt pointed that out to me it was a better way of looking at it….
- *thinking very hard*
- I’ve made it to 10/11 positives…. I haven’t been able to do that in a very long time!!!
…ok now for some messages…. *sigh* I think I’ve told you most of what I was going to say in my positives….
I know I haven’t been replying much….but as I’ve said before that doesn’t mean that I don’t care…..and I promise I wont for get about you people while I’m in there…. you have done a lot for me….and maybe more than I or anyone realize…. But I know if it wasn’t for Deb and her site which I accidentally surfed on to I’d be alone somewhere or probably not even alive…. Deb…. I know you are going through a rough time so you will probably not read this but your site has made a difference for me…. I now can talk to people about my SI…the biggest step was to tell my t about it….and then the rest of my family….. ( my wife already found out about it her self 🙁 …. ) I might be ignorant and I admit that I thought that I was alone…the only person in this world to willingly harming myself. Now I know I’m not….there are even people in my family who have done it in the past…. this sound like I’m never going to come back or something….. lol for your information I WILL BE BACK! that is de if you let me 🙂 But I love you guys!!! Everyone of you!
Well I’m gonna try to concentrate on not missing you too much but in stead concentrate on looking forward on coming back. Alex and Janice have promised me an update on their story so I wont miss that. 🙂 I know I’m hopelessly romantic….my wife tells me that all the time lol
….anyway I hope you two will connect as well in person as you do through your computers or phone…. but either way I love you guys! To those of you who are having a hard time I send you extra positive thoughts and a lot of hugs.
I’m not sure yet but I might have to unsub from all the mailinglists i’m on but if anyone wants to send me a message you can use my e-mail addy
to send it or firstname.lastname@example.org email@example.com I would love to hear from any of you but I can’t promise a reply….:( I know I will be getting some messages from my other mailing lists so Sunna wont get to confused I would appreciate if you could say bus or something like that in the subject line…. then I will be able to create rules with my Outlook and categorize the e-mails I’m getting…. that way nothing will be “lost”. hmmmm this sounds like I’m expecting all of you to write doesn’t it? I’m not tho…just thinking about the wife 🙂 lol she’s a blond!! ( I tease her about that all the time ) …but I love her anyway….
Well I think I’m gonna end this now If something else comes into my mind I write again….
Love you all!!! ( I know I’ve written that over and over again in this post )