I told my dad that I want to talk to him but he has been on the phone since he came back so I haven’t had a chance yet…. Probably / hopefully when I will be able to send this e-mail we will have a chance to talk…..

Well I was going to reply to you who I owe mail but I can’t concentrate on that… so I’ve been trying to think about some of my weaknesses and try to figure out what they are and what or if I can do anything to change that….like I know I don’t have to feel guilty for cutting but still I do… I know also I’m not alone on this one…. It sort of happens and most of the time it’s so difficult to shake it….
Guilt is my worst weakness I think because i intend to feel guilty for almost everything…it’s silly really…and I know it’s wrong… I know I don’t have too but…
I feel guilty for my children…that they died in a fire that I could have prevented because I knew the risk…I knew the electricity needed to be fixed….
I feel guilty for my mother dieing in that same fire….even though she has made my life hell….
I feel guilty for wishing my unborn sister to die….I know I was only 9 years old but she died….and because of that I feel guilty for feeling happy
I feel guilty for ruining Chris’s and Maria’s life by driving drunk and also for braking a promise that I wouldn’t drink that night…Because of that Maria is dead….
I feel guilty for making my wife worry about me and having to witness all of my mess and even for having me as her husband…
I feel guilty for being alive but yet I cant do anything about it because I would bring more misery to everyone….
I’m sorry for writing this….I know we don’t have to feel guilty for this… but we still do… We deserve what we get… Dad wants to talk now…don’t know if i’m ready for that now… not feeling well….

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