OK I want to tell you how sorry I am for not writing to any of you who emailed me…. I’ve been (as I’ve said before ) dissociating, flashbacks and all that really fun stuff ( I’m being sarcastic …sorry ) and I don’t know what is triggering all this…so I’ve been kind of avoiding the computer ( or making an attempt to avoid it )
I’m feeling like I can’t continue this fight… I am so tried… I wish I could just crawl to bed and never wake up….but I can’t do that because there are so many people who I’d hurt…. and also I’d be doing my mom a big favor if I did and that I don’t want….
I can’t be alone for a few minutes with out getting scared or little…. I don’t know what to do to make this stop….guess I just gotta let it come and be over with…. Maybe I’m just being impatient…. but this shouldn’t be like this…. I’m 33 years old !!!!!”#$%%&/
I feel like I’m about to explode or something….I want so bad to be able to do so many things but when I think about them start shaking…. I feel so small against all of this….the flashbacks of her abusing me physically…total reliving….I’m back at the old house……daddy is not there….don’t know where he is….I’m scared of her…she…. I see the bl*d run and the sting when she cuts…. I was 12…. not the first time and not the last…. don’t want to remember…