I went to see my t today hoping to be able to discuss something with her… actually I’ve been trying to work up the strength to do that for a while but never got to it really… anyway… I wasn’t able to do that today. My t who is about 40 – 45 years old warned me that she might have to take a long time off due to her health…. She told me she has cancer!! I don’t want to loose her as my t!!!! or even loose her permanently…
I know this sounds crazy but I keep loosing the people I love and though I asked her if she was going to die she said she wasn’t…. but who knows that anyway? She said she is going to find me another good t but I don’t think I can handle that…. I’ve know her for 4 years and it has taken me a long time to start “opening up” to her…. Why does this has to happen now.??? …I’m seeing her 3 times a week and I feel that I’m getting some progress though I’m in a middle of a crisis situation…
At the moment I’m feeling very bad about myself and somehow feel that this is my fault that she is sick…though I know it’s not…. but If I would hear a voice tell me to cut I probably would…. Guess I need some reassurance or something…
