I try to ignore those thoughts but they come at me from all directions…. I am 34 years old and I cannot be left alone for a few minutes with out injuring myself… or feeling like I have been abandoned for some reason… It is then she comes back…when I’m alone I can hear her. I hear her telling me that I am evil…that I destroy people with my sick mind…make their souls dark.
Deep down I know that is not true…but why is it so hard to remember? When I am safe I have no problem with that but the minute I feel alone the thought hits me and reality disappears…. The voices inside go quiet all except one… which repeats her “speech” over and over again…. The voice tells me to feel pain…to hurt my body, because that is the only way. That is the only way to control the evil…and I can’t ignore the voice…I give in, even though I know that when I am not alone anymore the guilt comes and makes it all worse… It is a circle that I can’t get out of…I don’t have the strength to brake it…
