I know I am going trough a tough time right now….there is a lot of confusion and guilt in my life right now…. and I do HATE myself at the moment and I really do want to destroy me and everyone else that “live” inside my body…. don’t worry I won’t kill myself….even that isn’t bad enough for me…

I know everything I am feeling or hearing are my mothers words…. but right now I have to feel that she was right in a way…. can you understand what I am saying? …. I feel dirty, I feel guilty of everything bad that has happened in my life…. I feel that I have manipulated Sunna and Chris to take care of me….give me shelter and food….

I know deep inside that I am not evil but at the moment I need this feeling….