yes I am still around…
We have not been coping well….. Many of us hold memories that the others don’t and that is what we have been working on in therapy for the last few weeks…. harder and of more speed than ever before.
No, it’s not my therapist that is pushing us. This just happens…. I guess this is a good thing and it obviously means that we ( those of us who are talking) trust our therapist more now….
This has also caused those of us who have problems with trust feel threatened and to use desperate attempt to prevent the others from talking… and I am afraid that I, (Gabriel) is one of them even though that I know that this is the only way for me to heal.
I want to be able to trust….but I am afraid of what will happen…. maybe not “bad” things like the ones in our past… but I am terrified of being alone… I don’t know what road to take with therapy and I am terrified of loosing the only existence I know…. being multiple….
But then…. what do I want from therapy? what do the others want from therapy? Why do we go? The answer is…. we don’t know Ever since we were diagnosed DID we have been going to therapy 3 times a week….
1) Therapy is almost the only way for us to get out of the house.
2) We get to talk to a “real” person about what happened to us
3) We learn that it is ok to be angry and it is ok to be sad
4) We learn that we are not crazy
5) We learn that there is hope for us
well I made it up to 5…. Actually this is a part of my home assignment. I will be writing more about these assignments over the next few days. One of them is to make a list of everyone inside and write about them, what they do, when they came etc….