When I was 8 years old, or almost 9, I was raped. The thing was that I never did go to a regular school like most kids do. My mother had hired private teachers to teach my sisters and me at home. These teachers were a couple, husband and wife and they both came highly recommended. That summer my parents had to go to Italy for a funeral, and left us in the hands of our teachers for 10 days.
The memories of that day have been hidden inside ever since last summer (summer of 2000). When the memory “came to me” I was just preparing to go to bed after a long and hard day.
I had flashbacks; I could feel the pain and the terror of a 9-year-old child. I heard him scream but no one could hear him. The bad man threatened the little boy…said if he would tell he would hurt the family. He would hurt Maria and Angela if the little boy would tell. He said that he had asked the boy’s mother if he could do this to him and it was ok with her… and she always knew when the little boy was bad.
There is no way that I can write about the pain and the terror that I felt…there are no words strong enough to describe that… but this was my first experience of sexual abuse.
I am not sure when exactly it happened next …but soon after the first time “he” moved away and got a job somewhere else… I may have been about 12 or 13 when he came back. I then found out that he had divorced his wife… He came for a visit and stayed with my mother for a day…. I didn’t really think about it much… I didn’t have a memory of that day when I was 9. He started to come for visits and I really thought that was good because my mother was a different person when he was around… she had other things to think about than me. I still had to do things for her though, that I didn’t like and that I knew that weren’t “normal” for a teen son to do with his mother…. Like sleeping beside her in her bed or if she needed to “relax” as she called it play for her on the piano for hours and hours with out sleep or food… and participating in the daily ceremony. (I might write about that some other time) She had suddenly stopped noticing everything that I did wrong… things that she would have punished me for before.
This went on for almost a year… I heard them arguing that night when he left… and I knew that something really bad was going to happen…at the same time I was relived that he was going… I heard him say that he was never going to come back to her and with that said he left.
That night she called me and told me to play for her. She told me to take off all my cloths and keep on playing no matter what she was doing. That night I got scars that are still a reminder of that night… scars that will remind me of that night forever. … Somehow I got through the night and kept on playing until she told me to go….