The holidays aren’t far now and soon it will all be over… My dad showed up here yesterday and will be spending the holidays with us. I don’t know why but I find it very hard to be on the computer while he is here so I will probably not be around much until the New Year. Angela, my sister, is going to be here too… I know I should be happy about having my family around, but I am not really… Yes it is good to know that they don’t abandon the crazy me but yet at the same time this is the time of year that I have many horrible memories of loneliness and abandonment…. and… the rest I don’t want to write about….

Yet another Xmas that I want to lock myself in and suffer for my sins…. be by myself…. deep inside and have the others have all the fun….