I have bee wondering…thinking to myself what I want to accomplish with this website… or any website that I have ever made… I started this two years ago at GeoCities with making a memorial site for my children. I spent hours working on it making it as beautiful as I could… I didn’t even realize it but I had not come to terms with their deaths… I had not been grieving. I had buried my memories of them deep inside and ignored it when others spoke of them. That first website became my way to heal…to grief… It became my home where I was able to give all my children love and care and where I could show the world how much I loved them… and how much I still love them.
Then one day I felt that something more was missing from the whole idea of this healing journey… My children were not the only reason for my problems of me being me…
I started telling my story…or what I remembered of it… Maybe it wasn’t just what I remembered but more like what I had already told my wife: I couldn’t tell her the whole story then… I was ashamed… I know she had relationship with my abuser where there was no evil involved. Sunna didn’t know her as I did…she only knew her as a kind and loving grandmother and mother-in-law. She didn’t know the secret that I had…. but that is no more…. I have nothing to hide…. I want to be able to tell the world about what she did to me…. It is not for the sympathy… I tell because I wasn’t allowed to tell…I tell because I want every little detail…. all those years of silence…come to an end so I can go on with my life satisfied with myself and no dirty secrets…
Thank you Peggy for the encouragement you gave me to brake the silence.
Love you…always….
