This might sound strange but I feel that to day I need to feel bad… Maybe you will say that I don’t have any reason to feel bad to day… You will say that it wasn’t my fault. Well take this. It was all my fault! I knew what I was doing…I knew the risk and I even thought to myself; “we are never going to get home safely” I was right we didn’t… or Chris and Maria didn’t. How come they got hurt but I didn’t?
….I had been away since the fire… for almost 3 years with out contacting anyone…drinking and doing drugs everyday… I don’t know what it was that made me want to go back home. Somehow I just ended up there. I was put into a rehab but I went there only because my family wanted me to. When I got out I was Mr. nice guy to them but all I could think of was going somewhere and get loaded again. I got my chance… About a week after I got out of the rehab my younger sister, Maria and Christian, who had become her fiance, asked me if I could drive them to a party. My father was against it but I said that he could trust me and on we went. I was invited inside and got me a drink. Maria, my sister and Christian were also drinking and I figured they wouldn’t notice if I’d have a few drinks. I didn’t let them see that I was drinking and they didn’t expect anything. I was quit drunk when they decided to go home. I never got them home that night. I woke up in a hospital. My father was there and all he said to me when I asked what had happened was that I should pray that Maria and Christian would survive. Then he walked out.
I’ve never been so ashamed of myself as I was then. Both Maria and Christian were seriously injured. They’d both been thrown out of the car. Non of us was wearing seat-belts. My sister lived for 4 years, unable to take care of herself. She suffered a severe head injury and her brain got damaged. She was unable to control her body and therefor she needs 24 hours of care. She died because of me March 20th 1999. Christian, my best friend is also marked for life. He’s paralyzed from waist down and will be in a wheel chair for the rest of his life. I only had a broken arm, concussion and a few stitches in my head…. How can that be fair?