Coming out??
…or just making people more convinced that I’m crazy?
Oh what the hell… Think what you want…
Lately I have been sort of obsessing with hurting myself… I haven’t done any cutting since I wrote this but mostly because I will get into trouble if I turn up at crazy day care or I will have to “show” them and answer all kinds of stupid questions I don’t really want to answer. The thing is that instead of cutting I have been sort of fantasizing about it…and/or SI in general… Thinking up ways that will to the most harm with out it really showing. I know that sounds very very bad… Don’t get me wrong I don’t want to kill myself…I just want the pain…. it’s not really about getting a quick fix for the inside pain anymore…if it ever was…
The anxiety of no outside pain is a lot worse than the inside pain right now… It’s something I have had in my existence as long as I remember and yes I know it’s bad… I know the risks… I know the people who love me do not like what I do… but they are not me… no one can understand except those who have walked in my shoes…
She thought me this…. maybe she a had reason too….
Drinking – water to stay thin
Or is it to purify
I love you all the same
But there’s no – no real truce with my fury
You don’t have to believe me
I love you all the same
But you stole the sun from my heart
You stole the sun from my heart
You stole the sun from my heart
You stole the sun from
You stole the sun from
You have – broken through my armour
And I don’t have an answer
I love you all the same
I paint – the things I want to see
But it don’t come easy
I love you all the same
But you stole the sun from my heart
You stole the sun from my heart
You stole the sun from my heart
You stole the sun from
You stole the sun from
Think I’m – I’m lost among the undergrowth
So much so I woke up
I love you all the same
But you stole the sun from my heart
You stole the sun from my
You stole the sun from my heart
You stole the sun from
You stole the sun from
I have – I’ve got to stop smiling
It gives the wrong impression
I love you all the same
Love you ((((((((((((((((((Gabriel)))))))))))))))))))))
((((((((((((((((G a b r i e l)))))))))))))))))) love you
I admire you for being able to speak about it openly. I’m a cutter too – even the photo of me currently on the front of my site shows it (a cut down the side of my left hand) though no one’s ever noticed it yet. but despite all the other things I’ve talked about in the open – this is one thing that I just can’t mention for some reason.
anyway – you are a continued inspiration to me in so many ways – ((((( Gabriel )))))
I’m still thinking of you, and I still care.
((((Gabriel))))