My therapist has asked me to write something about what has been happening inside of me over the last few days.
The fact is really I am not so sure if I really know that. I am not very good at figuring out things like that but instead I look at the facts or what I show on the outside….
*Sorry if this gets triggering**
Yes I cut my arm up pretty bad and I have not been eating but the only reason I can give is that I was doing it because I wanted to. I know that must sound sick to most people. I know that is not accepted in today’s society to carve words into your arms or eat like a pig and then purge or not eat at all…. I know there are people that feel discussed by this….I know there are people who live this every day… but does that matter? Is that the reason I do it…because someone else does it? No not really…. for a while this week I though that… for a while I looked for the answer in a story about a person that I have been reading about on the Internet over the last few weeks… I asked myself if I was doing it because of that person… At first I though…yes… but now I am not so sure…. I admit there are/were events in that person’s life that I have really wanted to do but never had the guts to do…
“Self abuse is anti social, aggression is still natural”
I know I’m not talking very clearly here but for now I can not tell who that person is… some of you know and I am sorry that I worried you all….
I want nothing more than to just disappear right now… but…i’m not going to disappear…. I don’t have the guts….