I’m posting this because I think and hope it can help people… even if the loss wasn’t because of suicide… I am trying….
Beyond Surviving: Suggestions for survivors by Iris M. Bolton
(Suicide and Its aftermath. Duanne, McIntosh, Dunne-Maxim, Norton and Co.,
1987)

• 1. Know you can survive. You may not think so, but you can.
• 2. Struggle with “why” it happened until you no longer need to know “why” or until you are satisfied with partial answers.
• 3. Know you may feel overwhelmed by the intensity of your feelings but all your feelings are normal.
• 4. Anger, guilt, confusion, forgetfulness are common responses. You are not crazy, you are in mourning.
• 5. Be aware you may feel appropriate anger at the person, at the world at God, at yourself. It’s okay to express it.
• 6. You may feel guilty for what you think you did or did not do. Guilt can turn into regret, through forgiveness.
• 7. Having suicidal thoughts is common. It does not mean that you will act on those thoughts.
• 8. Remember to take one moment or one day at a time.
• 9. Find a good listener with whom to share. Call someone if you need to talk.
• 10. Don’t be afraid to cry. Tears are healing.
• 11. Give yourself time to heal.
• 12. Remember, the choice was not yours. No on is the sole influence on another’s life.
• 13. Expect setbacks. If emotions return like a tidal wave, you may only be experiencing a remnant of grief, an unfinished piece.
• 14. Try to put off major decisions.
• 15. Give yourself permission to get professional help.
• 16. Be aware of the pain of your family and friends.
• 17. Be patient with yourself and with others who may not understand.
• 18. Set your own limits and learn to say no.
• 19. Steer clear of people who want to tell you what and how to feel.
• 20. Know that there are support groups that can be helpful, such as Compassionate Friends or Survivors of Suicide groups. If not, ask a
• professional to start one.
• 21. Call on your personal faith to help you through.
• 22. It is common to experience physical reactions to your grief, e.g., headaches, loss of appetite, inability to sleep.
• 23. The willingness to laugh with others and at yourself is healing.
• 24. Wear out your questions, anger, guilt, or other feelings until you can let them go. Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting.
• 25. Know that you will never be the same again, but you can survive and even go beyond just surviving.