I haven’t been on much lately…. mostly because I am terrified of getting myself in to trouble…or embarrassing myself… I have written that I have “people” inside me that help me go through the day… well this sounds crazy to many people but I honestly do think that if I didn’t have this “ability” I wouldn’t have lived that long…. In fact I feel privileged to have them…. but as much as they have helped me thought my life they also have a negative side….and that side is when I interact with people that don’t know anything about being multiple…
What would you think if the person that you’d been talking to suddenly didn’t know you….was calling him/herself by a different name and told you that the person you were expected was “inside, resting”? or if you were in a middle of a conversation and the person you were talking to suddenly started to write strangely…. making strange spelling errors?
I, Gabriel, have been inside that inner world for the last few days… The hallucinations, paranoia and self destructive urges just became too much for me to handle… My meds are being changed and I have been having nightmares are also a big factor in all this… The one that has been “helping” me to deal with things is someone that has been with me since I was about 10 years old… It is one of two girls that I know of that are in my “system”. Her name is Karen and she is 12 years old… and her “job” with in the system is to take care of the inside children…. yeah that may sound strange but the inner children need someone to take care of them just as much as any outside child. For the last few days Karen has gotten an new job, mostly because she is the most stable person of all of us… and even though she is only 12 she is probably the most intelligent one one in here… well maybe it doesn’t take much…sigh
Ok I feel that I am slipping again so I’m going to check out before I start sounding weird again… Thanks to all that have e-mailed me…. my friends…. Love you!