This will probably be the most difficult entry that I’ve had to write in a long time.

As those of you who have been coming here regularly know that I have a lot of problems. I have thought about this for a while now and really no matter how I try to look at things the outcome is always the same….

I need to take time of the internet….

I don’t think I will be able to just cut down on my internet activities…I have tried that before and it didn’t work out..

Right now I am on at least 6 mailing lists and I reply to as many as I can…I have over 60 people on my ICQ list…. I’m on 2 internet groups/communities and a way to many Yahoo clubs and I just can’t deal with it all and work on myself as well.

You may ask why I have so much going on….or am I really active in all those lists/clubs… I think it is more my problem than anyone else’s that I join most of those groups out of NEED to help other people…it’s sort of my way of running from my own problems…. and yes I am active on all of those but not really visible because I feel that it gives more to the person to write to him or her privately instead of replying to the whole list/group… At least that is how I feel when someone replies to my messages…. It sort of means more to me in a strange kind of way….
Anyhow…. all this is taking time….time that I either don’t have…or time that I should be using for myself… I guess that some of this may sound selfish but I honestly do belief that I deserve that time for me now….

As I said before…I have been using the computer as an escape from having to deal with my problems. I won’t deny that I have made many very good friends online while in real life I really don’t have anyone that I can share my thoughts with with as much ease. Why? Because I don’t like to speak… I can’t really explain the reason for that but I guess it has something to do with that when you are speaking face to face with another person, that person has his or hers eyes on you…. It may sound silly to most of you but this is my world… I really want to change that world and make it a better place for me to live in… I can’t promise that I will be able to win this but at least I am willing to try…

In order to be able to commit myself to that I need to take time off the internet or at least make it as little as possible… I won’t stop checking my e-mail and anyone who wishes can contact me through gabriel@_NOSPAM_ourhidingplace.com and I will try to reply…. but as for this weblog, I may post an occasional post but not as often as I have been….

This is though only a temporary thing…I don’t know how long though, Maybe I will give up in the middle of the road and just return with in a few weeks but at least I tried right? All I ask is that you won’t forget about me 🙂