Always something that keeps me going no matter how bad it gets…something that I really don’t understand… Since I started eating again… I’ve been hurting the body everyday and shutting all my feelings inside… and if someone asks how I’m feeling I say I’m ok…. or if they don’t believe me I add “it’s just the usual”

I know I have a lot of good things going for me… I have people who love me and care about me… I wish I knew how to accept all that love….I mean really accept it… I know that everything that has happened in my past didn’t happen because of me being evil. “She” was wrong!.

Maybe I am kidding myself….what if I am? What if she was right? I think of those things all the time… What she said is sometimes so real to me… “They will love you” she said “they will love you because you use your power to make them love you, and then they will find themselves trapped until it’s too late for them. That is why you have to suffer. While you suffer the people are safe.”

No I don’t want to believe that is the truth… but still I wonder…

A good decent sleep might help…I don’t know what that is …it’s been a while since I didn’t wake up from a bad dream or someone else had been using the body and keeping it awake for most of the night…

I’m tired and I need to sleep….

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