I wish I wasn’t feeling so “blocked” in my writings…. I don’t consider myself as being “a writer” but I guess everyone who writes as much as I do go through this at least once or twice… but what about a multiple household and all at once? well Darq did post an entry earlier tonight… not a very uplifting one tho but never the less a necessary one…

I haven’t been doing very well lately and I’m guessing that’s one of the reasons why I’m having so much trouble writing… I’ve been feeling unbearable loneliness lately… even though there are people around me I feel invisible…. maybe that’s just me wanting more attention or something I don’t know…. For some reason I keep on thinking that people are loosing interest in my writing because I intend to get so negative as my entries are all about issues from my past or about one of us having a crisis… In a way I know that’s not always the case… I can be possitive sometimes right? sigh…. I guess I’m not a very positive person most of the time tho…

I have this crazy paranoia that one day I will be left all alone with no one that cares about me….that no one will be around me anymore….. or that I will have no one to talk to. I have a big case of paranoia about this sort of thing…. as for an example … my therapist has been off work for a few days because her kid is sick…. I understand that part…that she needs to take care of her kids…but I feel like she has abandoned be and that she some how doesn’t want to be around me anymore…. Yes I see the silliness of this…. and yes Faith…. I feel that way about you too…. I know you suspect it I just feel horrible about telling you this because I know you are supposed to be having fun with Robert in the US and not worrying about me… Talking to you tonight helped a lot tho and we believe it helped Darq too…

Ok since you’ve read this far….. yes YOU 🙂 ….and I need your attention…. can you make a short comment to this entry just to let me know you read this far? You don’t have to write much…. a simple hi or a hug ( I like those very much) would be enough for me…. I admit I need the attention pretty bad….

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