Do you think it’s possible?

This question was asked in one of the forum I visit…

There are times in life that I wish that I didn’t have to “work on” things. There are times in my life when I stop “working on” things and just take what ever crazy stuff I think off or do like it’s normal…

There are times when I just let go of the urges to hurt myself or deny myself of food for days and go to lengths to let everyone here think that I am doing “fine” and I don’t feel bad or guilty for doing so… Those are the times when I feel good about myself because I feel that I am in control of things… because I don’t have to fight anything…

When I go through these periods… I don’t really think like…” what’s the point of struggling” or “I don’t care” …Those periods are not planed…they just slowly come to me and I just play along…

For the last two or three days or so I have been going through this… I’ve cut when I’ve felt like it… I haven’t eaten… nor slept… and done nothing to “do the right thing” …but ok I know that it isn’t really helping me at all even though I “feel” better… it just makes me more messed up…more crazy…

As for the question asked in the beginning of this post… I can only answer it as I see it from my point of view or what I feel… From my side… I do feel better when I don’t make an effort… it sort of gives me a time off from it all… but I also know that other people don’t see that as an improvement for me…

I did get 6 hours of sleep last night so now as I’ve “recharged” my head i feel the guilt sliding in… the shame and stupidness of my choices so for now I guess I’ll keep on the struggle…