…yet another one… we’ve never celebrated it so why is this day so hard?

We are bombarded with adds… images…. messages of all kinds of loving mothers… even in my stats i find someone coming to my website through a search engine looking for “mothers day + daughter + mother + pictures…”

All of this reminds me of my own mother who did everything she possibly could to put us through as much pain and torture are possible… I’ts hard to hear friends talk about their mothers and how much they care for them… and i wonder why my mother was different… I wonder about the REAL reason for her to take a knife and make cuts in my body… i wonder why she made me stay outside night after night… not give me food for days or have her friend rape me again and again… My mother never said a good thing about us unless to put up a show for other people and when I think of mothers day this is what I see…

In spite all of this, We don’t want to not have a mother anymore.. Some of us still ache for a mother. We still wish she would suddenly come back all changed… we wish for her to love us … and in our memories to become someone who didn’t hate us….we wish for her to come and hold us in her arms and tell us that everything is going to be ok… but that will never happen… We still live by her teachings it seems. We still live in fear of her and her torture. Maybe we always will….

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