I’ve been in a very strange/weird/unusual mood over the last few days… and sometimes it’s like I want to brake something.. or i want to scream at everyone who dares speak to me.. not to be nice anymore… even if I don’t have any reason to… I feel like there is a monster inside of me that is waiting to jump out but if I’m not careful or if I can’t keep it in there many people…people I care about more than anything are going to get hurt… For those who know me this may not seem like this is anything new… and yes I’ve felt like that before and then this feeling just faded away on it’s own…

Most of the time I feel like am afraid of “letting that monster out”. I fear this is different… it is more intense…almost like the monster is growing bigger and bigger… too big to fit inside of me… and that it will burst right out of me when I’m not prepared to deal with the concourses…

I don’t know maybe I’m just going through a face of some weird rapid mood swings at the moment… One minute I feel this overwhelming sadness that I can’t really identify… or rather a sadness that I find no reason for… I burst into what feels to me like uncontrollable crying and the next minute I am all cheerful and in content with my self and I want to do everything that I can to “get better”…. or I get angry at something or someone for all kinds of reasons…

I wonder if this is a part of the “road to healing”… I wonder if this is just a phase… I wonder if this is the end of the road and that I will finally end up loosing control over my life…. who knows anyway?

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