I wasn’t going to write about any of this…. I’m still on hiatus…. I’m not looking for sympathy or anything like that… but I need to write/rant about this now… Please forgive me if it comes out all wrong… My head is not working with me at the moment… and even though I’ve had some time to blow off steam I’m still feeling like I’m about to explode…

Today August 16th marks 10 years of the death of four beautiful little children. This is also marks the 10 years of the death of my abusive mother, who also lost her life in that same fire…

Everywhere my mother went people loved her… Those are the very same people that loved me once for being her son and for being that little boy who could play the piano like a grown up who had been playing for years… Those people didn’t know the whole story… to them she was a “super woman”… the mother all mother’s wanted to be… Even today, 10 years after her death I hear people telling me how “wonderful” she was… I know her differently…. She wasn’t a good person… but I don’t say anything… Some of those people have been to my website and are shocked by reading about my life with her… I have received e-mails from her “fans” who have read my writings, telling me that I am the crazy one for saying such horrible things about her “after all what she did for me”…. I am NOT the only person who knows those things about her…. my sister does too in some way… my father did though he chose not to talk about it…

We had a phone call Wednesday morning… It was from someone who “knew” my mother, informing us (me and my wife) that we are expected to attend a memorial service for her tomorrow… Never did this person mention our children one word… She just went on and on about how wonderful my mother was and how much she did for the community… and when my wife told her that we would “probably not show up” this woman started japing on about how hurt she was and how little respect we have for the dead…. Well fuck her I’m not going anywhere tomorrow…. I am going to spend time with my wife and my 3 living children, honoring the memory of Kimberly, Megan, David and Johnathan who in spite of young age are much more worth it than my mother will ever be…

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