I have been feeling discouraged of being on the computer much lately… I think it probably has something to do with the slow internet connection I have now and the fact that I can’t stay online for long now and wait for someone to send me a message over an instant messenger or hang out at the ThinForum or Sinned or any other forum I was able to hang out at before…

Because of this I feel annoyed when I turn on the computer and I feel lonely for not being able to see a friends name lit up when the log on…. My computer isn’t what it used to be… a gate to reach my friends… I feel lonely when I’m on it… no matter what I am doing… Judging by the traffic of messages I used to get one might thing that I’d appreciate the peace… I should be able to work on projects that I’ve been wanting to work on for ages but never had time to do as I spent so much time chatting. Things are not the same…. I guess I need to be disturbed with a little “hi…how are things?” to be able to stay focused.

I’m deep in my thoughts…working on something…but somewhere in between I keep wishing that someone would message me… I forget that I’m not connected… so of course no message… darn! I miss that… I miss all of you guys. Some of the people I used to talk to online don’t even visit this site…some don’t even know it exists… I don’t know half of all the e-mail addresses….. For now this website is the only connection I have to reach people close to me… I try to visit some of your journals and weblogs but I have many places in my list of reads…. I have to be sensible and not spend more than an hour or two online each day or we wouldn’t be able to afford to pay the phone bill…

In a way it’s not just about the phone bill…. I know that spending all one’s waking hours online isn’t a very good thing for a person… In a way I need to learn how to be “an offline person” again… I need to lean how to speak again… to have a real face to face conversation with someone… even a stranger… instead of typing or writing every word… I need to take walks outside… learn how to enjoy life and see the beauty in things that I can touch and see with my own eyes in three dimension… Did I mention I live by the sea now? I’ve never really walked on a beach before… not as I remember…

It’s scary but I can work through it, can’t I?… word by word…. step by step…

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