Q#1. Do you consider MPD/DID a disorder — or a normal way of life?
We don’t consider our multiplicity as a disorder. However some of us (3 maybe 4 of us the most) have a disordered life due to post traumatic stress, eating disorders, SI etc. Each of us went to different things/abuse in our childhood, some weren’t abused, some were. I feel that our inside world population is no more different than if you would take people from the street and put them all in a room together. You’d find all kinds of people and all kinds of problems or dissorders etc.
Normal? What exactly is normal? We look at our life in multiplicity as our “normal” It is normal to us because we don’t know anything else.
Q#2.Do you want back the skills that are now so carefully scattered over your system?
What skills back? Yes each of us have different skills but who can tell if I’ve ever had those skills. I don’t remember having any other skills than the ones I have right now.
I look at it like this: The body by it self doesn’t have any skills. It has “bodily functions” like breathing, it can circulate the blood etc. Only a person can have skills and to me a person and body are not the same thing, but I am in this world to learn and to teach. I feel that weather I want to have the skills of another person in this household or the skills of our next door neighbor it is not mine to have unless I learn them, and as far as I see it that is what we are doing, learning new skills.
Q#3. Do you use MPD to not hold yourself accountable for what your alters do?
No defiantly not. Even though we feel we are separate people we only have one body and the body is what keeps us “one” for the outside world.
We look at each of us as a separate people with the right to be separate, this isn’t about someone dieing or not… it is about the right to be separate and the right for us to be multiple. Each of us have shown in the past that we can all learn new things. I don’t see and never have seen multiplicity as a ‘lifestyle’. Multiplicity for us isn’t just a way of surviving a trauma. It is about being who we are, nothing more, nothing less, and we accept that.
Just as many people, both multiples and non multiples, feel that MPD is a disorder or something that has to be cured I feel the opposite for us. I do know people that once were multiple but are now integrated. I have nothing against people that choose to integrate, it’s just not what we want for us, and besides, if we would choose to integrate we would still have a history of abuse. We would still have all those horrible memories from our past. Our body would still have all the scars from the abuse. I guess what I’m trying to say is that for us multiplicity doesn’t make us feel sick, or abnormal, we have the ability to communicate pretty easily and we can work together quite well most of the time. Sure there are problems that sometimes come up but who says life should be without problems? And who says people who are not multiples have it any easier? The thing is, we just deal with it when a problem comes up like everyone else would do.
Is the reason for how we feel fear? I don’t know. All I do know is that this is who we are. We never went through the process of “suddenly_finding_out_we_were_multiple”, quite the opposite. We found out that other people weren’t multiple. That knowledge made us hide who we were from the rest of the world, and I do believe that because we felt we had to hide caused more problems and disruption for us. That is what made us more dysfunctional as a team.
I’m not trying to take anyone’s choice away. I know that this is different for people, but for us we can’t see any sense in trying to fix something that isn’t is broken. We feel whole as multiple. We do go to therapy but it is not because we are multiple. Some of us do have issues (in lack of a better word) that need to be fixed. Some of those issues have already been “fixed” and we will continue that process for as long as we need, but as separate people because that is who we are.