Aunt Maria suggested that we’d start a log or something where we’d write no SI related stuff to… I’ve told her I wasn’t comfortable with writing to much about SI on my main journal but I’ll probably do it here anyway….at least for now… I might make a new journal here at the domain though and that way I can always change my mind and import those entries into the main journal at a later time… as if you know me I want to keep everything for later reference….even though it’s just me whining about things…

It’s now 9am here… I’ve had my coffee and my morning cig and now it’s time when usually go to the bathroom and “prepare myself” for the day… Yesterday I gave her all my tools so I don’t really have anything that I can use… and besides even if I would find something I wouldn’t be able to use it now… We sat down last night and had a long “talk”…. I wrote over 15 pages for her yesterday…. to tell her everything I could think off about why I SI… how I SI… and what is going through my mind before, during and after I SI…. all my darkest secrets are not secrets anymore…..I wrote about things that I haven’t been able to tell anyone before…. In some ways I feel that I’ve lost a part of myself … but at the same time I feel relief…She would know what I were doing if I’d lock myself in now… So far I’m ok… but I will get to a point of withdrawal soon… I won’t be able to concentrate… I won’t be able to write a complete sentence…maybe just a few random words here and there… out of context… spelling mistakes are already increasing as I’m writing this… but it’s ok… I’ll make it through those… and I’ll make it through next time too…. I hope…

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