I don’t know if I could have done anything to prevent this… but I SI-ed early this morning… not much but I did it… I wasn’t aware of it until it was over… It’s done and there is nothing I can do about it now….I can’t take it back…. I won’t let it scare me… I won’t let it keep me from trying to stop…
he is there… she is there…
they are talking…
I can’t hear what they are talking about
…but I hear words like… pain… evil… God…
they are plotting something… they look at me…
…I’m scared….
black
…I wake up… it’s dark… I’m cold and I can’t move… I’m scared…
…I’m in “the box”… I know they’ve cut me but I don’t feel it… I feel the blood…
black
“no no no I’ll be good… no no no don’t make me eat that… please… I’ll be good… i don’t want to be sick… i will be sick if i eat that… please don’t make me… I’ll be good…”
…but they don’t hear him…
They force “it” down his throat… he tries to move… but he can’t… too much pain… too much fear…
black
*huge hugs*
Gabriel..it’s okay, we all slip. Keep trying, I know you will succeed in the end. It’s a hard journey and when you slip, don’t give up, try again. It is possible, you can do it. I’m thinking of you.
((((((((Gabriel)))))))))
No words.
Love.
(((((Gabe))))
Don’t give up.
I wish all the pain n suffering to b taken away from u Gab…
don’t ever deny your emotions or thoughts. i think it’s really good that you write this stuff down. it’s a kind of confrontation. if you didn’t want to get better and you thought everything should be left alone just the way it is, you’d be writing about how great things are. but it’s not. never lose that hunger for change, or maybe bettering the situation. true, it’ll never exactly be “peaches and cream” …but it doesn’t have to be this way. …”easier said than done”. –don’t those words make you angry? they set up a kind of competition –“is it possible? will things really get better, or not?” keep writing everything down. keep trying, keep up the good work, until it’s “easier said, but it’s been done”.
love ya, spider
WHAT DOES SI MEAN????
SI = Self Injury
SI means self injury. Does that mean self mutilation or purging or both?
Joe, usually SI reffers only to self injury or self mutilation. For us purging sometimes has the same or similar effect though but I wouldn’t really call it SI… even though in a way it is.
I can’t help wondering…why you’re interested? You can E-mail me if you don’t want to talk about it in the open like this. For my e-mail addy… just click on my name below…
Hope things get easier for you with time. You’re a kind spirit and deserve better…
Gab .. I tried sending you an email but it bounced. So I coming here to say hi to you my friend. I miss our chats and want you to know you are very often in my thoughts. If you have a moment to send me an email, I would appreciate having your up-to-date address. Love and blessings .. David
Gabriel- I wanted to know about SI because I SI all the time. I thought I was alone, and I didn’t know other people also injured themselves. It’s good to know there’re more people like me.
What does SI mean?
I was interested in visiting these pro anorexia sites and I’m pleased to see how self aware everyone is; that women haven’t actually brainwashed themselves into thinking that these disorders should be encouraged. These forums are great to have.
I have an eating disorder, this is the second time. Honestly, I believe that there is some genetic coding that makes me prone to them whenever I decide that I need to lose weight. It starts off innocently, and I never hate my body to begin with. Then I just get more restrictive and restrictive…I consider myself confident and happy most of the time. Many of my friends look up to me for being so together and self aware. I’m even arrogant enough to say things like that…though I think this security stems from compliments from friends and boyfriends–I would never be able to feel so secure on my own.
We’ve all read about the textbook anorexic, I’m sure. We’re polite girls trying to gain a little control in our lives and our power is expressed through our restriction, etc etc. It’s a ‘disease’ (though I’m reluctant to call it that) that is all yours to embrace until other people find out about it and worry. Then it becomes a different matter. We’re an embarrassment, a burden. I can’t even face my parents or my therapist because they also thought I was together and they can’t believe this could happen again.
When I come home from college I hide out in my room because their stares are so pitiful and they’re so fake-nice to me in order to hide their pain. I feel like I’m not in pain, why are they?
Conflicting forces tell me that I will be happy if I lose weight (the evil media for one) but that I’m not supposed to obsess about it. I wish I could pull a plug and eliminate all of these horrible advertisements and pressures on women.
I would like to talk about this further, if anyone wants to talk through E-mail my screen name is hb2066@barnard.edu
Thanks –Halley
i dont know if this helps at all but like with anyother addictions SI is hard to deal with even in recovery i crave Si almost everyday its taken me years to limit my self halm and alot of prfetional help i Know nothing about you or who you are but from what ive read alot of people care about you and value your oppion. thank you for having a place that is open to people thoughts and feeling and discussing things things that few wont to acknowledge
(sorry about my spelling)
I know what it’s like to look in the mirror and not like what you see. I do it everyday. It’s so rare that I like what I see! I wish everyone here could realise that even if you don’t like your appearance someone else does. And, even if you don’t think your beautiful someone else does. Your all beautiful, inside and out. Your too good of a person to hurt yourself. Next time you think of causing harm to yourself do something you love. Like play an instrument.
I have a friend how has a problem she can’t eat proble and she is on the stage were she is eating and being sick and on purpose and she is on the stage were she needs help pleause can you give me some advice
take care
hey guys.
names ashley im only 16 but ive been into S.I for about a year and a half and im trying to stop and i cant.. i need some help please…..
suggestions… ways to stop or anything….
I would like to say that you are the most positive and brave person i have ever wish to meet. All i can say is i hope things get easire for you and i think you are such a splendid & positive person i would love to talk with you more . bless you and best wishes jim. call back at anytime!.