I’m just making the days go by… I don’t seem to have much to say these days… but though I’ve felt like this before I’ve known deep down that I will snap out of it somehow… This time I’m not so sure… Part of it is because I’ve been making lots of changes in my life…. and most of the time I have no idea of what to do and/or how to cope with those changes. I try to “go with the flow” and/or keep myself occupied at something… to let the time pass… Somehow I have done that so far though…
I should be proud to have made it this far… Giving up on something that one feels is his security line isn’t the easiest thing in the world… I could so easily end the way I’m feeling right now by jumping right back to that net and hang on to it and don’t look back… but right now… as much as I don’t like this numb _feeling_nothing_ feeling to lift… I don’t want that to be an option… so for now I’m just going to try to _stick_things_out and see what happens…
I can relate perfectly. My days have been very much the same. Just got into work this morning. ttyl.
cheers.
hey, gab. just checking in to see how you’re doing.
(((((((((Gabriel)))))))))
I’ve been bulimic for about two and a half years.It feels good not being alone but not totally out in the open
This song, “Bulimic,” is by The Used. It made me really mad when I read it, honestly, because a lot of people I have had relationships with could have rightfully written this to me, because of the way I acted to the way I made them feel through my disease. This guy is obviously saying a “so-long, fuck off” to an ex who happens to be bulimic, and now his life will be perfect, or so he thinks, because now he’s a rock star who is going to be making the big bucks, and he’s rubbing it in because she should have treated him better, and he just doesn’t care any more.
Then I chose to take a second look into the song. This time I found the song to be a goodbye letter to my disease, except the reward’s greater and more valuable than money. Check it out with this in mind!! Music is for you, for me, and for all, we each can take whatever we need out of it because of it’s abstract quality which is gained by a song when it is published and released to the public.
BULIMIC
from the way you acted
to the way that I felt it
It wasn’t worth my time
and now it’s sad cause all I missed
wasn’t that good to begin with
and now I’ve started you begging
saying things that you don’t mean
it isn’t worth my time
a line’s a dime a million times
and I’m about to see all of them
Goodbye to you
you’re taking up my time
you call my name when I wake up
to see things go your way
I’m coughing up my time
each drag’s a drop of blood a grain
A minute of my life
it’s all I’ve got just to stay down
why the fuck am I still down
I’m hoarding all that’s mine
each time I let just one slip by
I’m wasting what is mine
I’m about to see a million things
I thought I’d never see before and I
I’m about to do all the things I’ve dreamed of
and I don’t even miss you at all
Hey, Kids I’m 22 and I have been through this disease, from controlling it, to it controlling me. Get out of your selfish, superficial bullshit and grow the fuck up, do you want to sit in a wet diaper? Maybe you’ll want to change when the diaper fills full of shit and your sitting in it at the pt. when this disease ruins your life and hurts everyone that loves you. The reason we focus on body image is because there are other things inside us that we don’t want to deal with, so ana becomes a buffer, or a protection mechanism for us, a distraction for the hurt that is really going on inside: things that grip our soul. Of course I was amused by the dark-side, the extreme highs and lows that eating disorders can create. I couldn’t live the mundane life of everyone else, I was against society and completely in control. I had great self-will and I couldn’t see I was hurting everyone. I was nice to everyone except the ones I loved the most, to whom I was incredibly cruel. Somewhere along the line I was forced to eat and then I began to vomit and became bulimic. Now I can’t stop eating compulsivly. I found a program which caterers to both anorexics and bulimics, called Overeaters Anonymous. It has saved my life and made me realize that that life was cool for a long time, but it quite working for me, and also made me realize I don’t want to die that I am worth more than that, that this shit is serious and while we are in its grips we cannot see anything but our goal-weight in the future. We cannot see that we are becoming liers, and self-indulged go-getters. All we can see is ourselves and you say there is no God because you are your own god in control of everything in your life while ana. With the delusion that we need to look good so we can be accepted, we begin to tell ourselves it’s because we have nothing else going for us, while in the meantime we lose our altruistic selves to society, the exact opposite of where we wanted to go, while all the while just progressing in the falsifying of self and dramatic behavior. The last thing you hardheads want to admit is that all you really want is affection of a true nature because you have never received from yourself or, for some, from anyone. Be willing to admit you need love until you can love yourself, and to re-evaluate the relationships you value most, are you being used, have you pushed away those that truly love and care about you? Today I say Fuck society and it’s picture of the ideal woman being as “Twiggy.” Yes, if that is your natural healthy shape, it is beautiful, but if it is not you are starving your soul. I am not here to deny that some of the most beautiful paintings, stories, poems— ART– have been born of pain. But sometimes we outgrow the pain and decide we don’t want to be in control it is really quite liberating to know that we are not in control and to let something else take the reins. I do not want to be self-serving anymore. Because death hangs over, most of us don’t make it out if we go into this disease, but I am going to be one that does.
I keep fighting, but still struggle. Would like some online friends.
Peace
i really want to lose weight, im a sophomore and i dont want to have the rest of my highschool life run by me being overweight, any ideas?
How do you know if you are anorexic what are the statictis