… I feel as if my head is locked and the key is lost

I tried to write a post yesterday but I couldn’t… the words didn’t want to get out… Today it feels the same… In the last few months I have been pushing people away and “new” people those who have tried to get closer to me IM me ask me why I never start a conversation with them… even old friends have asked me that… The thing is… I don’t know why… “I don’t want to bother people with my shit” is one of the reasons I use… Most of the time I feel like that “My shit” is what and who I am… It is locked inside my head and when someone asks me how I am doing (which is most often the first question people ask) it opens a door and it bursts out of there and I feel as if I have to do whatever I can not to make that happen…

I am sure that many people out there think to them selves that all I ever write about is how bad and miserable I feel all the time… that I am constantly feeling sorry for my self and everything has to turn around me… This is probably true… I do write a lot about “my shit”… and no matter how hard I try to think off something else to write about I don’t succeed… why? because I am “my shit” this is my life… I don’t like it but I try…

“I am pro-discovering-who-you-are. I am pro – talking – about – all – the – shit – until – it – doesn’t – hurt – anymore.”
This is a part of a quote I use as my signature in a few forums I visit… It pretty much explains the purpose of this journal… and because of this I felt I was forced to move my journal… I don’t feel like explaining the circumstances of that right now… But this journal has never been about what other people, companies or organizations want me to write about (or not to write about)…

I was surfing last night… I came to a journal that belongs to someone I care very deeply about… I might be wrong (it wouldn’t be the first time) but there was a post there that caught my attention… I’m not posting the url to it… but if this post is about me… and since I don’t know if or when we will talk again ….all I can say is that I am sorry…

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