Right now I weigh 131lbs…
About a year ago I was around 125 -128lbs …but I really wasn’t paying that much attention to how much I weighted then nor did I before that time… but I think that I was probably somewhere under that figure at some point… and more probably too…
I found a picture of myself (no I am NOT going to post it here… ever) taken in November/December 1995… or when I was in drug rehab… and I must say that I look like a holocaust victim… I don’t know/remember how much I weighted back then …but I’m really nothing more than a sack of bones on that picture…
The thing is that I don’t remember feeling as sick then as I feel now… Last year my highest weight was 138lbs I got down again to 130 and I’m having problems now…. but dam-it I wish I could be at that weight now
Sweetie…be strong…you know recovery is the right thing, and that you can do it!! Weight has nothing to do with who you are as a person. Don’t worry about the number on the scale, okay?
Be safe, love.
I can totally relate. Four months ago I was 116 out of rehab. I gained alot of weight. Now its slowly comming down again. Not fast enough.. never fast enough. When I am more comfortable with my weight I will post it.
I feel your pain I weigh 105 right now and Im trying to lose as much weight as I can. I never feel skinny and it seems Im the only one gaining weight and everyone else around me is losing it. I get sudden craves for food and I have to remind myself of how that food would weigh me down in anything I do, I hurt myself to control the hunger pains. I slowly begining to find my real self.
I had a high weight of 125 and I was down to 100 or a little less and I was put into rehab. I gained so much weight since then that I’ve returned to my ED and I’m down to 105 again. It seems to be a never ending cycle. Why does weight have to be such a big issue. It makes life so hard. I never feel “perfect” enough or “thin” enough. I punish myself severely if I gain 1 pound. But I seem to punish myself even if I loose 1 pound. It’s so hard to get out of this little game.
Your story reminds me so much of mine. I used to weigh 120 pounds and thought I was the skinniest person in the world. Then I realized I was fat, and I lost 12 pounds total. But then I was starving, and I’ve gained 9 of it back. I’m trying to get into my ED again, though.