This is just what the subject says…. empty thoughts… at random…

I don’t know…but I think that there aren’t many bloggers or journalers out there that care so much about their archives as I do… I may be wrong though… but to me they are my memory… I real brain memory is extremely bad… and if I don’t write things down I don’t remember… it’s as simple as that…

I have been writing journals for a very long time… Some of those past journals were lost in a house fire 10 years ago… but I still have a few boxes left from before that time… thoughts that I wrote while I was being tortured by my mother… Much of these writings are just random words that probably wouldn’t make much sense to anyone… but for me those random words have a meaning… They remind me of things that happened… things that were done to me… and what was going on in my life at the time I put them down on paper…

In the past i’ve had trouble putting together sentences for this journal… of finding the right words that describe what is going on and because this is a public journal i have tried to post only entries that will make sense to other people… I know… it hasn’t worked all the time… but there are times when I just can’t do that… I often find myself having things to say… or wanting to say something about certain things… I may start an entry and never quite finish it… or make a list of random words that describe my thoughts…

I have a separated journal set up…. different from the journals we’ve listed at our domain’s front page I set it up because I intend to start writing something but don’t really finish it and these posts never really get to be seen by anyone… most likely not even me…

Sometimes I don’t even bother to save posts like that… but i’ve been browsing though some of those that I have saved and even though they don’t say much or the whole story behind them I feel they are just as important for me as the once that end up on my journal… Even though this journal is public…and out there for anyone to read i sometimes write about things in here that most people would want to keep to themselves if this was their journal… and I do understand that… As for me… I gave up on hiding… I gave up on keeping all of this to myself… Even so… there are things I don’t write about here… or haven’t written about yet at least… I don’t know if I will ever write about those things… but those are also the things that are the most difficult ones to write about… and when I sit down to write about it… those are the entries that are never finished… or that are put together with random words… that wouldn’t make sense to anyone except me… and I need to be able to do that… and as for this post… the reason for it… In the future you might see some weird posts on here… as I am thinking off _just_hitting_the_post_button with out a thought… and just let go… just because I want those posts in my archives…