I wasn’t really going to post this here but… oh well…
Some of you may know that i was in hospital recently… i had basically been over doing it for a while… hadn’t been eating much (purging what i did eat) or drinking enough for about a week …except maybe coffee… and then on top of all that…getting triggered and probably out of control and injuring my self (intentionally) pretty badly… i don’t remember the last part… all i know is that i lost a lot of blood and i have two broken ribs… anyway since i came back from hospital i am not allowed to close the door when i go to the bathroom…
i can’t Si anymore… not even a little… i can’t purge anymore… and it pisses me off… it scares me…also the fact that it pisses me off scares me… everything scares me… the past, the present and the future… especially the future…
every move i make there is always someone looking after me… watching me… baby sitting me… I hate it… i know that i have gotten my self into this situation… i can’t blame anyone else but my self …or maybe not even myself as I don’t know what I’m doing half of the time…
the fact that this is getting too much for my wife scares me… but how can i change when no matter what I try nothing changes? …or am i not trying hard enough?
i don’t know how often i’ve said i wan’t to change… I do ok for a while but then just find myself fall down all over again… and each time the fall seems to get bigger and bigger… more frighting…
everything seems so hopeless right now… i don’t know what to think or believe anymore… and i have run out off things to do… :sorry:
why can’t you close the door?
i completely understand and am here for you in any way i can be.
..because i can’t be trusted not to hurt my self
and thanks for the hug… sending one your way too
Be strong my friend. Things will get better for you.
Please take care of yourself Gabriel
I’m sorry you’re feeling like that Gabriel.. *hugs*
It may sound ridiculous and stupid, but give it some time..recovery takes a lot of time and it comes with a lot of slip ups. And it will eat away your strength, but it is only in hard situations that we are stronger than we think we are.
In other words, keep trying, don’t give up..you’ve come so far, and you are alive, see how strong you are.
I know that words often seem like nothing and especially not like something helpful when you’re going through a hard time; at least to me. When I’m feeling bad, the best advice still seems ridiculous.
But please stay strong, and be patient..I believe in you, I do.
gabriel… i have no words, no magic answers iwish there were soem… we are thinking aobu tyou…
jsut wanted you to know
(((((((((Gabriel))))))))) you will get better!
The love in you and the love of those
around you, Sunna and your children, will help you to heal…
Healing takes time and is sometimes painful… please don’t worry too much, just let things pass … and better times will come again!