i just need to cry for a while… and everything will be ok…
i try to tell myself no matter how bad things get the will always get better again…
…sometimes it works and sometimes (like yesterday) it doesn’t…
i do know for sure that things will never get as bad as they were when i was a child…
i try to take a look at the good things that are going on in my life… my family and a baby on the way… They mean everything to me…
i have an incredible amazing wife… i can’t even begin to tell you how much i love her… it hurts to think about what she has been through because of me… but no matter what happens… and what I put her though she sticks with me…
i don’t want to lose hope… in spite of what some people (health professionals) have said… that i will never have a normal life again…
i started reliving things from my past five years ago… prior to that i had 2 years of pretty “normal” live… i was sober, i had a job i loved, i didn’t hurt myself, and i wasn’t afraid all the time… i don’t drink or do drugs anymore thankfully …but ever since that first flashback to my childhood it feels like things are getting worse and worse… instead of moving up i feel like i’m sinking deeper and deeper into a bottom less black hole…
i know this is just a phase i’m going through…sometimes i forget that and start feeling sorry for myself… feeling hopeless… but i try to… i want to think that things can get better… i know i can’t afford to give up now… i just have to wait this out somehow…
*safe and gentle hugs for Gabe*
Coming Back To Life
“Because the things you say and the things you do surround me
While you were hanging yourself on someone else’s words
Dying to believe in what you heard
I was staring straight into the shining sun
Lost in thought and lost in time
While the seeds of life and the seeds of change were planted
While I pondered on this dangerous but irresistible pastime
I knew the moment had arrived
For killing the past and coming back to life
I took a heavenly ride through our silence
I knew the waiting had begun
And headed straight into the shining sun”
-Pink Floyd
i hope you don’t mind me posting this in here. this is a big snippet of the lyrics from a song that always gives me hope. to me, it says, no matter what you did to me, i’m wiser, i’m stronger, and i’m going to get out of this hell you’ve put me in.
there are a few people here who have the name ‘phoenix’. i think if anyone should have this name, it should be you. why? because i have faith that you WILL once again rise from the ashes. thought you may be burned time and time again, *you will always rise back up* i have no doubt in this .
take gentle care sweetie,
… you can wait it out with us. *hugs*
Gabriel~ DON’T GIVE UP HOPE!!!! Sometimes things can seem so hard at the time and when you look back, it seems so easy. Many dark times will come in your life. But remember that the more dark times you have, the better the sunshine and rainbows will feel. Good luck.
just wanted to give you a hug and let you know i’m thinking of you *hugs*