Since my last pdoc appointment I’ve lost more weight… i’m at 119 now… and bmi of 15.7
I hear comments like:.. “You have to stop this… or you’ll disappear…”
*sigh* when i hear this i get extremely triggered…
i know i should stop… but the thing is that i really want to disappear… but at the same time i know I won’t really disappear… not in that sense of the word… I know that if I continue to lose more weight i will end up dead… But does knowing that make me want to stop? not really… maybe to a point… i want to be able to see my unborn baby… and i want to see my children grow up…
Last week I posted a list of numbers in my ed journal… This is a list of numbers I want to weigh… It feels weird though as I’ve never had any goal weight or a “number” I’ve wanted to reach… but i marked one of those numbers as my favorite… 111 lbs… I’m very close to that now… almost too close to stop now…
…and yes i really really want to disappear…
