In July last year I wrote an entry on this topic… Since then…and especially after a TV show was aired in the US about eating disorders with some mention of pro- eating disorders (I’m told)… I have noticed that the traffic to this site has increased enormously… Most of this traffic comes through search engines, like Google, AOL and Yahoo… Based on the comments, e-mail and other things (one of those things being the search stats for my journal) I have received on this post many of those visitors are looking for tips and/or tricks on how to be Anorexic… even on how to become Anorexic….
As someone who is already deep in my eating disorder I can not understand why anyone would actually want an eating disorder… There is no glory in having one…
I do however admit that I can understand people’s negative feelings for their bodies… as I have those feelings myself… but to me that doesn’t mean that I feel that everyone should be thin in order to look beautiful… and that doesn’t mean that looking for tips on how to purge or starve one self will help you in any way… Doing it will only destroy your health… It will become like an addiction to you and even though you have reached your “goal” weight once you won’t be able to stop at that… You will find yourself a new goal… and once you reach that goal… another… and you will feel the same about your body… you will always feel fat…
I know the story of my eating disorder isn’t the most usual one… I have been under normal weight all my life… While growing up I was forced to purge… or I went for days where I didn’t get food… This wasn’t because there wasn’t enough food in the house… Instead it was a part of my mother’s delusion of needing to punish me… Also a part of this was being forced to eat all kinds of things that no one would ever consider eating… In her eyes I was evil… I didn’t deserve “normal” food… I didn’t deserve to be healthy… In her eyes…. I was taking up too much space… but yet at the same time I didn’t deserve to be dead… to her that was an easy way out…
