memories

i don’t really remember much about it….
all i know is that somehow i need to write about it…
i know it is real…. i know it happend …but i don’t remember much…
i remember when she put it in…
it was big… wasn’t made for this…
i refused to eat what she wanted me to eat…
it wasn’t food…i think… i don’t remember what it was though…
but she wanted me to eat it…
she said it would “help”
i screamed… i kicked… i begged…
she tied me down to the chair…. i couldn’t move….
i remember the pain of the tube/hose being shoved through my mouth… down my thoat… i though i would chocke… i remember gagging…
throat hurt before because she had made me eat something that was too hot…
hot soup or hot boiling water were her favourite