the doc appt didn’t go to well… *shrug*
i’m not doing to hot atm…
im tired… but if i lay down and try to rest all i see is her… my mother…
i don’t really remember much about it….
yet i do… its just hard to put it into words…
all i know is that somehow i need to write about it…
i know it is real…. i know it happend… and i can’t keep it inside anymore…
one time…
then more to follow…
until she got borded with it…
and found new things insead…
i remember when she put it in…
it was big… wasn’t made for this…
not sure how old… first time…
maybe 8…
refused to eat what she wanted me to eat…
it wasn’t food…i think… i don’t remember what it was though…
but she wanted me to eat it…
she said it would “help”….
i screamed… i kicked… i begged…
she tied me down to the chair…. i couldn’t move….
i remember the pain of the tube/hose being shoved through my mouth… down my thoat… i though i would chocke… i remember gagging… tase of blood…
throat was hurting already…hot soup or hot boiling water were her favourite…
i didn’t screem this time… i wanted to… i couldn’t… nobody would care anyway