Dam-it!! I know this is crazy…
I know I shouldn’t think about this…
I know I shouldn’t do this
…but i’m obsessed… I can’t stop thinking about this…
I know I can die because of this…. but i’m probably too stupid to care…

BUT I DO CARE?!
I’ve been close to my death before… i have stood in front of it so many times… most of which “it” had my cooperation… where I’ve wanted to die… In the past I don’t think I’ve ever been afraid of dying… I’ve convinced myself that what has kept me alive all these years is my desire of not wanting to hurt another person… yeah it sounds strange doesn’t it? …coming from someone like me…. who has in fact been hurting other people through his own self-abuse…

The fact is that I know how it feels like to lose someone I love…but I don’t know how it is to have someone you love willingly hurting one self…

I know that is no excuse… I know this sounds selfish… I know I’m not perfect….

BUT DAM-IT! I am… I truly am scared for myself now… and i keep thinking that maybe… this has occurred to me …too late…

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