In case anyone notice… I’m not around as much as usual…
Although I’m trying my very best to stay positive…I’m not doing good… both physically… and emotionally for lots of reasons most of which are very hard for me to talk about… and for now I guess I’m just trying to push *it* all away… but I’m hallucinating… having flashbacks… I’m finding triggers everywhere… I’m trying very hard to keep myself from hurting myself but the urges are very bad and almost constant… but I’ve been somewhat able to fight those… at least without any major incidents… but my meds are being changed and I guess that’s causing most of this crazyness…
I guess in a way…over the last month or two… maybe even longer… I’ve started feeling less comfortable about sharing my life on this journal… and/or become more aware that most of what I post here is just a way for me to dwell in the past… I know that I keep repeating the same thoughts over and over again… the same thoughts I had a year ago, two years ago, three years ago…
But although I’ve thought about posting a some sort of an hiatus announcement I haven’t… mostly because when I’ve done so in the past I usually end up posting again anyway…
first of all all, i want to let you know that your website helped me very much…i have very big problems myself, too. I dont know how long i can take this pain any longer…i almost see nothing, hard to write and read, i have sounds on my ears or in my head that dont go away, my knee was hurting damned much for a long time and my cerebral system is suffering, too. its seems to be some kind of system desease. but i got a brother to save…a reaally nice boy who took the wrong way. im doing the best i can to save him, but somedays, especiallly tonight i loose the willingness to use my power to do that because i try it for years now…he seems not to be able to understand. as much as im getting more good, he hes turning even more bad…my weakness seems to enjoy him. but i know there’s still something good in his mind and i decided to give everything to save him and as many people i am able to. we dont have to fear because we know the right way…u wont forget it even if you die. i, for myself, will use all my strength to stay here and keep on fighting…and i know now there is an enemy. these are people that see your weak side and kick in it…give them the chnace to to do that and you will know, and dont forget this. but that are exactly the souls we want to save, they dont know better. so, be sure that u will know the right way ever, and keep on going your way…i guess this was not my lst post. BELIEVE and take care, best regards, pete
P.S. show ’em love, they never got to know it…
i just wanted to say that your writing here is unique and special. you are unique and special. although you may view it as brooding on the past, perhaps you are trying to let the past lie, my t says that facing the past lets me move onto the future. seems to help me anyway. i cannot understand the toll that this must take on you, the pain that the words here depart and how each must be like a silent stab to the heart. do whatever is best for you – for you all.