I’m not sleeping much…
If i do sleep… i wake up with unexplained marks on my body… cuts, bruises…etc… and feeding formula all over the place… or I wake up screaming from a nightmare that is so real that it takes me a while to figure out that it isn’t real…
I’m constantly losing control of myself… and/or what is real
I’m dissociating… having flashbacks…. and I’m SIing a lot
I behave like a spoiled 4 year old having a major temper tantrum
….and it happens whenever i have to eat… I’ve been trying (or supposed to be trying) to eat again…
I pretty much throw the food all over the place and refuse to eat…
My wife is tired… and she is frustrated with me… I know… I probably deserve that… and I SI which makes her even more frustrated and more worried… and that makes me SI more…
I can’t put my wife through this but i can’t control this (without help at least) so i can’t stop doing this… and she isn’t sleeping all that much either now because of me… Also I have to think about my children… and do something before I do any more damage to them…
It’s either now or never….
…so I’m probably/hopefully going IP…
you are sooooo strong. (at least that’s how i see you… even if you might not see yourself that way, you know…) truth is, i should probably be going I/P soon too… i can’t control myself with purging or SIing and stuff anymore… man, if you make it through I/P, you’ll be like living proof that it can get better. …if you go, please take with you my *hugs* and belief in you… you have wings, you can do anything. belief in yourself is the wind you sore on. …maybe alot of us just need better instructions on how to use our wings… but we are all equally capable of flying high enough to rest on the clouds… i know… and someday, when you are feeling better, and so am i and all who hurt and cry, we will all meet atop the clouds… looking back at the raod we had to travel to get there… and knowing we finally made it… alive.
don’t ever lose your dreams
you rock!
love always, spider
*hugs*
(((gabriel))) it’s poopus from broken. sorry i didn’t answer your email yet… still love ya tho 🙂 and stay strong, you can do this…
IP is not fun and it is difficult…but it can help and it may be a good thing for you, and for your family….
keeping you all in my thoughts
~be gentle with you~
the crew
I love you bro *hug*