I’m kinda still scared about yesterday… but i guess i’m also making an effort not to think about it all that much …but i really thought i was going to get a heart attack or something like that… I don’t really want to talk about it all that much but my doc and my therapist agree on that i am focusing on all the wrong things …whatever they are …instead of showing any interest in what’s really currently going on in my real life…

My doctor also told me that I need to be learn to be more positive toward certain things… he mentioned my stay here (IP) which is probably very true…

Changes make me anxious… and I try to avoid and/or ignore things that make me feel anxious… and usually I can… I guess that’s one of the reasons I don’t speak, …or why I don’t go outside alone… I guess that is why most of the time I have no idea which meds I’m on… or what my doctors are saying… I just don’t pay attention to them…

My therapist wants me to write something about that…. avoidance… but I don’t really have anything meaningful to say about it now… not that i normally have anyway…

I’m just going to take some of my on-line time and use it to work on my website…