I am not sure what to say… or even if I should say anything….

At one point I did genuinely care… and from my part it was unconditional… and I really thought that was mutual as well… but now i feel i was wrong and I feel foolish for not noticing this until now…. I feel frustrated…. but I don’t feel angry… and I don’t feel hate…. just frustrated and foolish ….and yes I do feel hurt … but it seems that I don’t have much right in saying that

…. In a way I still care….but I’d rather “care” from a distance… I’d rather be called a “bad friend” and “a liar” than continuing a relation ship that is based on conditions that i can not possibly meet… because quite simply I am very bad at guessing….. and as selfish as it may sound I do have quite a few problems myself….

Public messages/suggestions made that could only be taken as an attack on the relationship… and then when confronted… denied… but yet some time later brought up again

At one point I did care that I was being talked about behind my back…. and/or being lied about… and yes of course i still care…. but as long as I know that I have not spread any poison and/or cruelty… unless this journal entry will count as that ( but I am sure that it will be taken out of context by those who want to) …. I will be fine…

I am by far a perfect person… and especially when it comes to deal with people i love i do screw up… I have screwed up in the past quite often and I will screw up in the future…. thankfully with most of those people that I have screwed up with are still in my life…. and it’s certainly not due to my expertise (or lack there of) of compromise and/or charm… Somehow those people have been able to forgive (and/or be forgiven) and then forget…