Warning in advance: This is a “free flow” writing and posted in one of those times where brain activity is at it’s lowest…

I am supposed to be working on my therapy project… or writing it rather… but I’m having a hard time concentrating on putting my thoughts into words… and not to mention that I keep thinking about want I want to do with this website… play with MovableType and maybe make a few layouts/skins…

My therapist asked me to write about my thoughts on “life after death” which is something that I used to think about quite a lot a while back…
A long time ago I used to lay awake in my bed at nights thinking about this… I wondered about what happened when a person died… I wondered about my own death… about things like how it would feel …and if I’d know if I suddenly died would I notice?

I was a child then… but this kind of became an obsession of mine. None of these thoughts scared me though… I wasn’t afraid of dying and I don’t really think that I have ever been afraid of my own death until recently.

At some point I was really curious about this and there were times where I wished I would die… only to be able to find out what would happen… I guess it was partly my parents religious beliefs that kept me from doing anything about that… but taking one’s own life was in their opinions the worst thing a person could do and to them it meant eternity in burning fires of hell… not to mention it meaning an “eternal curse” on the rest of your family… (which BTW… I think has something to do with the fact that I am still here in spite of the numerous attempts to take my own life)… another reason was this…

I don’t know how many times I’ve been asked what I really believe… if I believe there is a life after death or not… Last time i was asked this question I said something like: “The only “afterlife” I believe in is how the people you leave behind remember you after you die… ” I find it very hard to just believe something that I can’t proof or experience… and honestly that is the way I want things…. Then again… should it really matter so much to us where we will end up? I for one thing… judging from what I know now, the fact that I don’t have any memories from possible previous lifes so …no matter where I will end up… I probably won’t remember this life anyway…