Things are not good with me… but at least now… finally i know the reason… Since my last episode my pdoc decided to change my medication… and/or increase my usual dosage. Because of it I’m pretty much drugged out of this world and with almost no ability to concentrate on anything… not to mention writing a decent entry in this journal… or do much of anything else that i like to do… and it’s seriously messing with my head and making me wonder if this is how it’s going to be here after…

I don’t know what it is that my doc wants with this… what his intentions are… and since he refuses to communicate with me in the way i need him to… i can only guess… and dam-it this man is going to be replacing my therapist at the end of next month… How on earth an i going to deal with that? Maybe he thinks that I will magically start speaking with out any problems…just like that… well excuse my language…. fuck him! ….and yeah i know he visits this site but i doubt he cares as he doesn’t seems to care about anything else i write especially if it’s a private message addressed to him only… and quite frankly i don’t care anymore…

so just drug me all you want… but don’t expect me to trust you… and btw… thank you for executing the hopes i had of maybe one day i’d feel safe and a little less insane…