Sometimes life gets almost too much to handle… That is the way it is for me right now… and even if I try to write down what’s going on inside my head… it just doesn’t come out… Really the only thing I can do is to hope and wait for it to disappear again… and to let time pass by doing things that won’t remind me off anything that might trigger the demons inside of me…
…but the thing is… this ”anything” I mentioned can be so many things… things that can seem innocent one moment can suddenly transform into something almost deadly… and when those little innocent things transform and turn into giant monsters it’s hard to stay away from them… and it seems like from that moment they will only grow bigger and bigger …and you believe they will crush you …unless…
…you win some… and you lose some… 44 days without SI was good… It felt good to see that number grow… and from this day forward it will be good to see it grow back again…
Hi Gabriel,
I wanted to let you know that you’re in my thoughts…and I wish so much that this pain would go away…but we all know it isn’t that easy. But, Gabriel, you are stronger than most, stronger than you may know….and I think you can accomplish anything…:)
Gabriel, 44 days was good and you are right, it will be good to see it grow back up again – you have proven that you can do it! {{{HUGS TO YOU}}}.
Knowing that you can do it again, knowing that you can watch those numbers grow again, is half the battle .. I believe in you
Hey–I’m just a random dude from the internet–you did place your blog on blogspot, after all–and I don’t know why you’re so bummed out, but my gosh this is ENOUGH. Whatever it is, it is time to get over it and move on. I don’t mean to be callous or anything, but these references to “the demons” and stuff is old and hackneyed and melodramatic. Why write about your grief if not to purge yourself in original words? All I read on this blog is self-indulgent poor-pity-me shit, and you have spent a LOT of html on this. I suggest, with all the best intentions, that you cease wallowing and live the life that is around you. Give the pity a rest. Peace, bro.
I’m sorry–I just have to add that I read the brief info and no doubt you’ve got some serious stuff going on, but do you realize what YOU HAVE CREATED HERE? This site is a monument to your self-indulgent pity. And I quote:
“About me”
“I have to admit that this is not something I’m good at… telling other people something about myself… There isn’t much here at the moment but lets see what i can come up with in the future maybe…”
Um, excuse me?! What we have here is literally YARDS of html devoted to one thing–your sadness. I am a blogger and I understand the need to expiate but this website has become your child, your baggage, your nurturing little emotionally insulated community wherein your sadness is played out in slow dirge-like sonatas, as if a piano concerto. In the key of D, for depressed. I’ve had tragedy strike like the next guy, but I separate my sadness from CREATING WEBRINGSS!?# and “buttons and cliches” and AIM and site stats and all the TEEN BLOG SHIT you are indulging in. You’re 38 years old. Get off the computer. Blogging is supposed to be a casual hobby, not a hymn. Or last rites. Let it go, man.
By the way, way to go on the 22 days smoke free. Them things’ll kill you graveyard dead.
I TOTALLY disagree with McDowell and hope you delete his comments Gabriel from your site AND your mind. He is clueless! I do not see that he left his site or e-mail address (unless only you have access to it). If he left that comment with NO way to reach him, he is also a coward. This is YOUR SITE and NOT HIS you just keep writing away – this IS THE BEST THERAPY!!!
Carey, the comments below yours don’t bother me at all… and I know there are lots of McDowell’s out there… As far as I’m concerned… especially when they speek like they “know it all” after reading just a few pages… they are in fact clueless and it just makes them feel stupid to leave a comment like that… That doesn’t only apply to comments like that on my website but other sites as well… thanks for looking out for me by the way 🙂 and i have to admit that if I’d had a comment like that a year ago (maybe less) I would probably have been upset by it…
On the no contact information of McDowell…If people leave a comment they must leave an email address but I have set my comments on not showing the email addresses on the website… One of many reasons… to prevent spammers to get a hold of the email addresses… but I get an email with a copy of every comment left here email address and IP address included… so yes I have McDowell’s email address and even though he didn’t leave his web address I also know the address of his website
Gabriel,
I have to admit I feel MUCH better now – I actually lost a tiny bit of sleep thinking about it. It just proves how strong you actually are – I just take EVERYTHING to heart and have FIERCE loyalty to those I care about. I will let it go now but still want to say THIS to HIM – well I have to be a little childish now and then!
P.S. Hope you had a good weekend even though you didn’t get to go home.