I owe some of you emails … uhm actually a lot of you…. I’ve been really slacking there… LB PMs as well… sorry about that…
I am not doing good… physically and emotionally… and my probably because of that my concentration is zero… which also means that my ability to form a complete sentence goes bye bye…
…but so what’s up with me anyway…
– stress
– panic attacks
– TPN
– more doctors
– screwed up blood work
– screwed up kidneys
– screwed up liver
– screwed up gastrointestinal tract
– headaches
– triggers everywhere
– memories
– guilt
– pushing people away
– helplessness
– hopelessness
– paranoia
– chaos chaos chaos chaos chaos chaos …… and more chaos
…and worst of all… almost uncontrollable fear… of all of the above… fear of losing control….but at the same time extreme guilt for being ….and feeling the way i do… and thoughts of the only way I know how to “fix” my feelings… thoughts of physically hurting myself…
I’m sorry…. I’m sorry for being…. I’m sorry for everything….

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